Happy Father's Day!
Today we, My husband, his daughter, (my stepdaughter), his mother and his father all went to lunch. While the hubby was off at the gym, my stepdaughter and I went out and got them cards to surprise them.
After lunch we all went to Sam's. We all kind of went our separate ways once inside. I found myself in front a shirt display, contemplating on whether or not to purchase it and I said, "Hmmmph" Then the lady standing next to me said "hmmmph" (I kid you not). Then I kind of laughed because that was such a little thing... but so random. I was not sure if she was mocking me so I kind of turned and laughed and she quickly explained that she was not happy. I was thinking why is she talking to me? we had never met, nor had I addressed her or asked her a question. But I could soon see something was bothering her.
She began to tell me a story as she folded the shirts and shorts on the display. This is what she said:
You know there was an old lady shopping here. She had to be about 90 years old. Just a little thing. So I said, a 90 year old woman, shopping here? ( I was thinking was she by herself? this is a big store with some heavy stuff) and the woman said yes. She continued...seeming very perturbed. So I shut up and listened. She said she was taking the lynx bus.
Lynx is one of the public transportation bus systems in Orlando. They also have van type or shuttle vehicles that provide rides for disabled and elderly people who call ahead and schedule trips for shopping, doctor appointments, etc.
The woman assisted the elderly lady out to the van. The Lynx van driver would not help the woman put her things in the bus. The woman telling the story stated he said he was not allowed and started pulling out his book of rules when she confronted him. He told her he was not going to speak to her anymore because she was ruining his day. I said, well customer service is not like how it used to be. She said I don't think it had anything to do with customer service. I gave her my best what are you talking about look. She said the lady was black. I continued to stare stupidly. She said, he was white, I must have still been staring stupidly because she repeated, the driver was a white guy. OOOoooh. and there it is.
A pastor I once listened to used to say "you all are slow but worth waiting on" if we did not immediately get his point.
I realized a few things in the seconds that followed her revelation. I have
almost stopped automatically and immediately assuming and assessing the world in a way that everything is a race or black white issue. A lot more times than we care to admit, things
are racial issues, but we go about with our blinders on hoping someone else will quietly fight the good fight for us or that the attitude, nasty demeanor, or out and out remark is really not what it looks like. I did not start this conversation. I did not even ask her about the shirts. She chose to speak to me and there were other white women and some Hispanic ladies all around she could have spoken too.
Now this is where it got uncomfortable. I felt bad for the lady in the story. I said he could have gone the extra mile and helped her. Again customer service is poor these days. She said, Well he helped the pregnant woman and she was white. At this point, I felt a bit deflated as I tried to take the high road and finally I said well, we obviously still have a long way to go. She says yes we have a long way to go. She continued to tell me she told him that she hopes that his conscious gets the better of him somewhere on the trip and he decides to help her. She said, she could have been anyone's grandmother. (so is she also saying he had an issue with old people? that's a whole other type of prejudice) I said well I don't often have to deal with this kind of stuff. ( I was lying...but I am all for giving hope) I mean, not as much as I have had to in the past. Then my stepdaughter came up. She is a child of mixed ancestry. My husband is white and her mother, his ex wife is also black. Then he came up. I introduced him as my husband. Her eyes widened as then his mother and father who are also white came up. She told a quick version of the story to my mother in law who leaned over and whispered something I could not quite catch, but she definitely did not jump on the race bandwagon and saw it as a guy being rude to old ladies. I call this the do si do....The woman telling the story did not readily agree. She looked like she had been a little slighted.
I realized then that perhaps she felt that I would appreciate her anger at the woman's treatment because maybe, just maybe, I had similar experiences. (Let's not even go there on this blog). Perhaps she thought the other women would discredit her story and her anger. Oh yeah, and I guess this is a good time to inform you that the story teller was a middle aged, working white woman. She was truly miffed and frustrated. I again repeated, well, we still have a long way to go. It a sad shame, but we do. She says Yes ,but we shouldn't, I mean really?!!! (Plenty of people's point, exactly). I then said well thank you for speaking up for her. I then plugged
Uber. Maybe next time she should just call an
Uber driver. She looked quizzical briefly, and said she would have given him more of an earful if she was not on the clock. She said quite loudly more people should stand up. That's ridiculous. I hope his conscious gets the best of him. By now, I was being ushered away by the family....but not before I grabbed that red shirt and asked what she thought.
Walking away, I wondered what went through her mind, when my husband and in-laws joined me. For a moment could she see that some people do get it right. That prejudice has no place in some people's lives? That it is possible to rise above cultural differences and be respectful and love one another simply for the human being they are? Did she think I or even he was a sell out? ( I have been called that before) I have seen the stares of approval by some and other's look like they threw up in their mouth. Was she more mad about the race portion or the elderly thing? or the lack of customer service? From the story she told it was probably a bit of all three. I think they may be calling Lynx to make a complaint.
I know there have been times when, let's call it a "racial incident" (yes...I am air quoting) has happened to me and I try to discuss it and it is immediately discounted as something other than what it is. Of late there have been two distinct incidents where even my husband could not refute what happened because he was there. Far enough away for people to not realize we were together until we both walked out, holding hands or showing some other form of PDA and too late to save the experience. But we both also realized that just bad customer service is becoming the norm as he, yes, even he, is being ignored when we are apart. I hope she did not feel that I was devaluing the situation. I believe it happened just as she stated. I mean, to open up and start talking to an absolute stranger, it must have been glaringly obvious and extremely hurtful. I just did not see any reason to fuel the fire when she was doing such a good job of keeping the flames stoked herself. ....And the do si do dance continues.
Years ago, I was working for a grocery store and a Lynx driver pulled up very late to pick up some elderly passengers, and when he opened the door, a bunch of beer cans rolled out. The manager immediately called Lynx and the store patrons took the people to their homes refusing to expose them to those unsafe driving conditions, nor have them wait any longer for another driver to show up. It was a mixed crowd of elderly riders. People that shopped at that store were not rolling in the dough, but they stepped up. I am not sure if the driver was white or Hispanic it was such a long time ago. So maybe they are just plagued by drivers that have personality issues.
But anyways, I digress, all of that conversation and this blog started by just a "hmmmph" in a Sam's in Orlando on a Father's Day Sunday. I applaud that woman for stepping up and speaking up for the woman who didn't seem to have a voice of her own. Thank you for going against the grain and standing up for just equal treatment. Sometimes doing the right thing goes so far. Good customer service should be the standard, not the exception and while everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinion, moving past the meager issue of ones skin tone should at least be observed when working. You can be an ass in your own free time. Hopefully, the bus driver will be nicer to little old ladies in the future.
By Sheri Thomson
Wife, Blogger, Food Lover and Amateur Photographer
